Math Phobia

I have a math phobia. I didn’t always have one. I was good in math until it became abstract, mainly with algebra. I failed my first algebra class. My best friend, Wendy, was very good in algebra so my mom hired her as my tutor. She explained it in a different way and I got A’s after that. Even though I got A’s after the tutoring, I developed a fear of math from that.

Professor James Burke had two series, “The Day the Universe Changed” and “Connections”. In one of the episodes he used higher math to explain how wine merchants kept track of the amount of wine in barrels. Watching him use math in a real-world context, I totally understand it and could have figured out the volume of anything at that point. But still I considered myself bad at math.

I had to take algebra again in college. Elementary Algebra was taught by someone who had just been accepted into UCLA’s doctoral program. She didn’t understand why people didn’t “get it” the first time. She was a terrible teacher but by working very hard I got a C in the class. Intermediate Algebra was taught by an Aerospace Engineer. He saw math as a working tool, not as an abstract concept. He was great and I got A’s and B’s on all the tests and homework, and a B in the class (due to an unexpected event, I did poorly on the final, otherwise I would have gotten an A). But still my fear, and the idea that I’m bad at math, persisted.

I also had to take Statistics. Except for a very, very small percentage of the population, everyone hates their stats class. I failed the first half of the class. There were 3 formulas we were supposed to use but no one could explain the markers that would tell me which formula was the right one for each situation. When I asked the teacher, he said you just get a feel for it. Excuse me?! You just “get a feel for it”?? Luckily my boss at the time was a math genius (seriously) and when he found out how badly I was doing, he sat with me for 2 hours one day and went over the formulas. I still didn’t understand it but I went from picking the wrong formulas to picking the right formulas, and from D’s and F’s, to A’s and B’s. I finished with a B in the class. Yet I still considered myself bad at math.

Of course anyone reading this can see that I don’t do well with the conventional way they teach math, but that I do very well when it’s explained in an alternate way. So why do I still consider myself bad at math? I have to face this and figure it out because I’ve recently decided to double-major. I’m working towards Associate in Science degrees in Web Development (no math) and Computer Science (lots of math). In the next couple of years I’ll be taking geometry, trigonometry, calculus 1 and 2, and linear algebra. If I decide to continue on to a B.S., there might be other math classes I’ll have to take, plus physics.

So, it’s imperative that I figure out my phobia and get over it. And find tutors if the teachers focus on the abstract concepts instead of the real-world applications. I bought the Dummies series for geometry and trig, and will work through them this summer in preparation.

I’m not bad at math. I need to remember that.

busy busy busy

I planned on keeping this blog updated, but it's been a busy couple of months.

I'm more than halfway through my second PM class and the teacher has us turning in projects weekly. She's pretty much "phoning it in" and her instructions/teaching is sparse, so it's been a little difficult. The books she chose for the course are not the greatest either. But I'm doing well so far, so I'm hoping for a good grade. The class ends on April 26.

I still love my Web-Dev class and so far I've had 100/100 on all of the assignments. I'm in the B-B+ range on the quizzes, which is okay as long as I continue to kick butt on the assignments.

I got into the PHP class and it starts this Monday, April 9. I'm excited about learning this program.

None of the Web-Dev classes I need are being offered through the CIT department, but one of them is being offered through a different department, and it's online too! Unfortunately my registration date is so far back, I probably won't get in.

The summer schedule for the PM classes hasn't been released yet, but they should all be offered this summer. I'll take 2 of them and then I'll only need 2 more classes in the Fall to complete the program.

I've created a new website called Travels with Kat. It's about the places I've traveled to, including photos and reviews of hotels, restaurants, and attractions. I'm completing one destination at a time and I haven't decided on how I'll include the photos. I'm interested to see what I can do with PHP on the site. I'm going to use it for my final project (due at the end of May) but I'm guessing I'll only have one or two destinations completed by then. As soon as it goes live, I'll post the url.

As for my weight, it's done nothing in the past 2 months. I'm eating as allergen-free as I can and I'm trying to get more sleep. I found a new doctor who I saw for the first time at the end of March. She said that I won't lose any weight until I get more regular sleep. When she heard my schedule, she said maybe I can lose weight after I finish school. lol. She started me on NatureThroid, which is a natural thyroid hormone. She agrees that synthetic thyroid (T4 and T3) will keep you alive but isn't optimal for good health (my friend's doctor said the synthetics are crap). I started the NT on April 1 at 1 grain. I see my doctor in 5 weeks and we'll discuss if I need to increase the dosage. I'm not as cold as before but I'm still fatigued, and possibly more fatigued than before.

I'm not so worried about losing weight anymore. I'm concentrating on health instead. I've been following the blog "Dances with Fat" and it's made me rethink a lot of things. I was brought up that nothing was as important as being thin. No matter what I accomplished, it all paled in relation to my weight, even when I was a whopping 10 pounds over ideal. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "If you just lose 10 more pounds, you'll be perfect."

Instead of thinking about weight loss, I'm concentrating on stuff that increases my health, like lifting weights. I also saw a video recently and the doctor advised to repeat 2x daily "I accept myself unconditionally right now." I have that sentence taped to my mirror and I repeat it at least twice daily. It's made me realize that I never have accepted myself. There was always the condition of "when I'm thin".

I'm fairly certain that my weight problems growing up were due to my undiagnosed food allergies, and all of the diets I was put on were chock full of my allegens. I'm convinced that it was a lifetime of eating those foods that made my gallbladder develop stones at age 24 and my thyroid go haywire a few years later. I was on synthetic T4 for many years (on a too-low dose) and my food allergies were only diagnosed in 2008. I feel that eating an allergen-free diet and being on the correct thyroid medication will go a long way towards healing the damage, though it will take some time.

Until then I can only accept who I am right now and do all the things that are best for my health and happiness.