Math Phobia

I have a math phobia. I didn’t always have one. I was good in math until it became abstract, mainly with algebra. I failed my first algebra class. My best friend, Wendy, was very good in algebra so my mom hired her as my tutor. She explained it in a different way and I got A’s after that. Even though I got A’s after the tutoring, I developed a fear of math from that.

Professor James Burke had two series, “The Day the Universe Changed” and “Connections”. In one of the episodes he used higher math to explain how wine merchants kept track of the amount of wine in barrels. Watching him use math in a real-world context, I totally understand it and could have figured out the volume of anything at that point. But still I considered myself bad at math.

I had to take algebra again in college. Elementary Algebra was taught by someone who had just been accepted into UCLA’s doctoral program. She didn’t understand why people didn’t “get it” the first time. She was a terrible teacher but by working very hard I got a C in the class. Intermediate Algebra was taught by an Aerospace Engineer. He saw math as a working tool, not as an abstract concept. He was great and I got A’s and B’s on all the tests and homework, and a B in the class (due to an unexpected event, I did poorly on the final, otherwise I would have gotten an A). But still my fear, and the idea that I’m bad at math, persisted.

I also had to take Statistics. Except for a very, very small percentage of the population, everyone hates their stats class. I failed the first half of the class. There were 3 formulas we were supposed to use but no one could explain the markers that would tell me which formula was the right one for each situation. When I asked the teacher, he said you just get a feel for it. Excuse me?! You just “get a feel for it”?? Luckily my boss at the time was a math genius (seriously) and when he found out how badly I was doing, he sat with me for 2 hours one day and went over the formulas. I still didn’t understand it but I went from picking the wrong formulas to picking the right formulas, and from D’s and F’s, to A’s and B’s. I finished with a B in the class. Yet I still considered myself bad at math.

Of course anyone reading this can see that I don’t do well with the conventional way they teach math, but that I do very well when it’s explained in an alternate way. So why do I still consider myself bad at math? I have to face this and figure it out because I’ve recently decided to double-major. I’m working towards Associate in Science degrees in Web Development (no math) and Computer Science (lots of math). In the next couple of years I’ll be taking geometry, trigonometry, calculus 1 and 2, and linear algebra. If I decide to continue on to a B.S., there might be other math classes I’ll have to take, plus physics.

So, it’s imperative that I figure out my phobia and get over it. And find tutors if the teachers focus on the abstract concepts instead of the real-world applications. I bought the Dummies series for geometry and trig, and will work through them this summer in preparation.

I’m not bad at math. I need to remember that.

busy busy busy

I planned on keeping this blog updated, but it's been a busy couple of months.

I'm more than halfway through my second PM class and the teacher has us turning in projects weekly. She's pretty much "phoning it in" and her instructions/teaching is sparse, so it's been a little difficult. The books she chose for the course are not the greatest either. But I'm doing well so far, so I'm hoping for a good grade. The class ends on April 26.

I still love my Web-Dev class and so far I've had 100/100 on all of the assignments. I'm in the B-B+ range on the quizzes, which is okay as long as I continue to kick butt on the assignments.

I got into the PHP class and it starts this Monday, April 9. I'm excited about learning this program.

None of the Web-Dev classes I need are being offered through the CIT department, but one of them is being offered through a different department, and it's online too! Unfortunately my registration date is so far back, I probably won't get in.

The summer schedule for the PM classes hasn't been released yet, but they should all be offered this summer. I'll take 2 of them and then I'll only need 2 more classes in the Fall to complete the program.

I've created a new website called Travels with Kat. It's about the places I've traveled to, including photos and reviews of hotels, restaurants, and attractions. I'm completing one destination at a time and I haven't decided on how I'll include the photos. I'm interested to see what I can do with PHP on the site. I'm going to use it for my final project (due at the end of May) but I'm guessing I'll only have one or two destinations completed by then. As soon as it goes live, I'll post the url.

As for my weight, it's done nothing in the past 2 months. I'm eating as allergen-free as I can and I'm trying to get more sleep. I found a new doctor who I saw for the first time at the end of March. She said that I won't lose any weight until I get more regular sleep. When she heard my schedule, she said maybe I can lose weight after I finish school. lol. She started me on NatureThroid, which is a natural thyroid hormone. She agrees that synthetic thyroid (T4 and T3) will keep you alive but isn't optimal for good health (my friend's doctor said the synthetics are crap). I started the NT on April 1 at 1 grain. I see my doctor in 5 weeks and we'll discuss if I need to increase the dosage. I'm not as cold as before but I'm still fatigued, and possibly more fatigued than before.

I'm not so worried about losing weight anymore. I'm concentrating on health instead. I've been following the blog "Dances with Fat" and it's made me rethink a lot of things. I was brought up that nothing was as important as being thin. No matter what I accomplished, it all paled in relation to my weight, even when I was a whopping 10 pounds over ideal. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "If you just lose 10 more pounds, you'll be perfect."

Instead of thinking about weight loss, I'm concentrating on stuff that increases my health, like lifting weights. I also saw a video recently and the doctor advised to repeat 2x daily "I accept myself unconditionally right now." I have that sentence taped to my mirror and I repeat it at least twice daily. It's made me realize that I never have accepted myself. There was always the condition of "when I'm thin".

I'm fairly certain that my weight problems growing up were due to my undiagnosed food allergies, and all of the diets I was put on were chock full of my allegens. I'm convinced that it was a lifetime of eating those foods that made my gallbladder develop stones at age 24 and my thyroid go haywire a few years later. I was on synthetic T4 for many years (on a too-low dose) and my food allergies were only diagnosed in 2008. I feel that eating an allergen-free diet and being on the correct thyroid medication will go a long way towards healing the damage, though it will take some time.

Until then I can only accept who I am right now and do all the things that are best for my health and happiness.

Grades & Weigh-in

This first PM class has 2-3 homework assignments each week plus a project every other week (4 total). I received 100% on the first 2 projects. Woot! Tomorrow I'll print out the schedule from the last project and start on the next project, which is due on the 13th.

I did my weigh-in today - I didn't lose anymore weight since yesterday, so I'm 3 pounds down in one week. I was hoping for another half pound today, but I can't complain.

I created another chicken dish in the crockpot today. For this one I filled the pot about 3/4 full with kale, red chard, and collards, then added chicken breasts, bacon, smoked salt, pepper, and herbes de provence. It turned out pretty tasty. The bacon was a little weird because it looked raw but it was thoroughly cooked and fell apart when I tried to pick it up. It added a nice undertone to the chicken. I should have taken some photos but I didn't even think about it at the time.

School ... again

After being out of school since 2004, I’m back again.

For those who don’t know, I received my A.A. from Orange Coast College in 2000, my B.A. in Russian Studies from UC Berkeley in 2003, and I did one year of grad school at University of Virginia before leaving and moving to Russia.

I’m currently enrolled in 2 separate programs: the Project Management certificate program through UC Berkeley, and the A.S. degree in Web Development program at College of the Canyons. The PM cert should be completed by December, and the WebDev degree about 6 months later. I was hoping to do all of the WebDev degree online and finish it in one year, but I was so far back in the registration line that I only got 1 of the 3 classes I wanted, and the class is on-campus instead of online (the online section filled up several days before my registration date).

The first PM class started January 9 and is an 8-week class. The second PM class starts 2 days after the first one ends and is also an 8-week class. The first WebDev class starts on Tuesday, Feb 7 and will run until May 31. I’m on the waitlist for the online PHP class that starts in April. I’m 6th on the list, so I’m hoping a bunch of people drop the class before it starts.

This all started in November when a friend asked me if I had a Project Management certificate. I hadn’t even known there was such a thing, but he said that it was pretty much mandatory for PM jobs. I didn’t think much about it until mid-December when I had a 4-hour ride home on the motorcycle to think about life. It was then that the PM cert popped back into my head. I thought about it for a few days (did I really want to start school again?), did a day of research to find good programs, and within 4 days of that bike ride I was enrolled in the program at Cal.

After a couple of weeks in the PM program, I looked at PM jobs and realized that most of them required some sort of specialization (PM with engineering, PM with IT, etc). I thought about what I like to do …. create web sites. I started creating web sites in 1998 and loved it. But I had my sites set on eventually getting a doctorate in History and teaching at a university, and I didn’t seriously think about pursuing web development as a career. I made the wrong decision back then, so now I’m following the path I should have 15 years ago. I took about a week and looked at all the programs that I could do online but were close enough that I could take classes on-campus if needed. College of the Canyons had the best program for my needs. I’ve been in an email conversation with one of the professors, and he’s been extremely helpful.

It’s going to be a busy year, and I won’t have much of a social life, but it’s going to be worth it.

Back to homework….

Leptin Reset

Last Sunday I began the Leptin Reset program by Dr. Jack Kruse, found at http://jackkruse.com/my-leptin-prescription/.

I've been eating a mostly low-carb, grain-free diet since 2008, and I lost a little over 70 pounds doing it. But my weight stagnated once I started my current job (Oct 2010), and I gained ten pounds over the holidays. It's a new year and time to take control again. Dr. Kruse's program works with the way I like to eat, the way I know makes me feel the best, and the way that has given me the best weight loss results.

As of this morning, I'm down 3 pounds. I'm guessing it's from losing the inflammation that was caused by both my holiday binging and the sugar in the protein shakes I've been drinking for lunch (Muscle Milk Naturals mixed with 10oz of Trader Joe's whole cream-top milk). Tomorrow is my actual weigh-in.

In his program Dr. Kruse states not to count calories in the beginning, just to concentrate on getting the right amount of protein and keeping the carbs low. But I still do so I can go back 6 months from now and see what worked and what didn't. Since 2008, on the advice of my doctor, I've kept a daily food diary. I document what I eat, how much of it, and the calories. I also keep track of my water intake and I weigh myself every day. Being on Dr. Kruse's plan, I added protein and carbs to my diary. His plan requires that you eat 50 grams of protein at each meal and stay under 25 total carbs for the day.